The waves of broad daylight from the sun peek their way through my eyelids every morning, faithfully awakening me from my nightmares. My habit was always reaching over my tired, weary left arm to feel the warmth of your skin, your steady breathing and your lively soul resting on my bed with me. I still have that habit, but now all I feel is the cold sheets unoccupied by any living soul. Then reality slowly pours into my mind like the hot drinks we’d share in the morning. I can’t bare to lift these sheets off my lifeless body and dress myself as if today a miracle will happen, but I remember how it felt getting ready for my days and having you to come back to, something about those memories sparks a feeling in my heart telling me hope isn’t lost, hope isn’t lost. Lost. That’s the only word I knew how to say for months. I didn’t know myself whether I was literally lost, or I lost something, or something lost me. I felt as if this planet were but an atom in a maze of the universe, and mere consciousness was playing a cruel joke on me. Sleep was all I could ever accomplish. Some nights, sleep was my enemy. And other nights, I heard a ticking. I thought I really had lost IT, my brain had enough and gave up but the ticking happened… every night, on your side of the bed, a ticking. Is it your heart calling out to me? I wondered. I had not looked or ventured to your side of my…our bed in so long, but I needed to know, for curiosity was the only feeling my body knew anymore. My knees buckled underneath me, I laid my hands on the floor, I closed my eyes and put my ear to the ground and listened. Tick tick tick. The sound was calming, in a way. It was as if I was listening to your heartbeat again. I gently grabbed the floorboard, lifted it and saw a kindly wrapped piece of cloth around a circular object. The ticking wasn’t you, it wasn’t your heartbeat, it wasn’t your heart calling out for me. No. It was a compass. I touched it and cried although I can’t tell you why I cried, but I discovered something that didn’t make me feel so… lost. And that’s how I got here to where I am. I no longer wake up and feel lost, I know my purpose and I’m on this journey to accomplish it. I do wish it was your heartbeat sometimes instead of this compass directing me, I miss hearing it, miss feeling it and I miss having it. But my heart is locked away safe where I know it won’t be hurt anymore and I’ll be seeing you soon.